SoulTending.com

By Petra Prensky

My heart’s desire is and has been to find a friend,
someone I can drop all social masks, all playing cool
and simply be.

My heart’s desire is and has been to find a place
I feel safe, a home away from home, with people
I can be comfortable with.

My heart’s desire is and has been to find someone
who touches me just right, so that my body can
heal, relax and expand.

This is my heart’s desire. Yesterday, I opened up
to finally receiving it, today that door has closed
and it hurts.

It does not work if my heaven on earth is your
hell….

By Petra Prensky

There is an abandoned rose bush on the land.
It is overgrown by Tahitian Spinach.
The tree, which shaded it, got cut down.
Logs fell on its branches, they stayed there.

Yet the rose bush sent out new shoots.
And after years produced the first rose.
My husband found it and put it in a vase on my dresser.
It was red with jagged edges, its fragrance sweet and gentle.

I enjoyed it for a week, before it left my room.
Yesterday, my husband cut a second rose for me.
The Chinese rose beetles ate holes in its leaves,
I close my eyes, inhale its scent; it is beautiful to me.

Thank you rose bush for living and blossoming.
Those two red roses touched me through their unexpected presence.
Their existence surprised, inspired and moved me.
They are real roses: jagged, wild and smelling deliciously.

By Petra Prensky

Leaves are rustling,

The sun is setting.

Nature is withstanding the noises and

Dealings of us humans.

The palm tree is swaying in the wind,

Bearing a bounty of coconuts,

Not caring, what will happen to them.

It must be nice not to think.

Not being able to worry about your offspring.

Just standing tall, taking in the sunshine,

The rain, the nutrients from the earth.

Looking closer, I see life teaming on its trunk,

Highways of ants, bugs, critters.

Rats love to make their nests in the crown.

The palm tree keeps on growing,

Shedding palm fronds and coconut bunches.

Letting the wind unite the sounds of the rustling fronds

With the music of the universe.

By Petra Prensky

Afraid, I am afraid to let the touch happen,

The sweetness of your fluid embrace is lingering on my skin.

Make the magic stop; no, never stop it.

Careful dance of two souls softening,

What if I told you that I wasn’t afraid anymore?

By Petra Prensky

Let me be known
As the belly hugger
Who leaves you satisfied
More deeply, than the best
Gourmet meal ever would.

Let me be known
As the dancer
Who shares in the
Deepness of soul
And leaves, herself speechless.

Let me be known
As the beloved friend
Free as a butterfly
Yet solid and present
As a rock.

Let me be known
As your mirror
Who reflects and absorbs
Your deepest heart’s desires,
and keeps them safe.

By Petra Prensky

What arrogance of mine
to think, that
what has been,
is the way it will be in the future.

When the brilliance of your palette
has only left
one small dot of color
on the page of my life.

By Petra Prensky

The drunken state of love
is no match for the
prudent working man.

Let the trumpets sound
and shake the earth
to announce the beginning
of the gathering of lovers.

The accountant on his desk
will but scratch his nose
as a promise of future participation.

By Petra Prensky

What better ecstasy
Than to
Continuously
Disperse my self
Into tiny seeds
Planted among
One thousand hearts

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
Or many gods.
I want to know
If you belong or feel abandoned.
If you know despair or can you see it in others.
I want to know
If you are prepared to live in the world
With its harsh need to change you.
If you can look back with firm eyes
Saying this is where I stand.
I want to know
If you know
How to melt into the fierce heat of living,
Falling toward
The center of your longing.
I want to know
If you are willing
To live, day by day with the consequence of love
and the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat.
I have been told, in that fierce embrace,
even the gods speak of God.

By Petra Prensky

I am a prisoner of my inner reality.
How I long to be free.
How I long to reach out and connect.
How I long to be held, touched just right.

There are so many fears, so much sorrow, so much grief.
Will I ever be free?
Will the pain ever recede?
Will my tears ever be enough?

Silence, I am tormented by silence; my own silence.
There is so much emotion in me.
I am afraid that I am too much.

So I am hiding. I am hiding my feelings, my longings, my pains.
I hold on to the secrets. I keep my mouth shut.
I don’t see, I don’t hear, I don’t speak.

Trapped in my own complicated self.
I want to throw all that, which is binding me, over board.
But I guess that would be too dramatic, too fast, too frightening.

So I take the slow and steady way, feeling myself through it all,
Suffering, crying, shaking in my room alone.
Sucking it all in, cleaning up the tears, putting a smile on, facing the world.

Facing the people that I crave to be held by.
Being tough, keeping it together.
When all I want is to fall apart while being seen, being held.

I am so scared of touch and I crave it like no other.
My misery is private,
I don’t want to burden anybody with my pain, my vulnerability.

It’s not been safe to be so vulnerable.
It’s been unforgiving, harsh and lonely.
I am like a big iceberg, frozen rigid and cold.

My emotions even though painful are the key to my freedom.
My suffering makes me cry, shake, rattle my cage.
In time I will break free of my own bondage.
Free to look you in the eyes and speak my truth.